"I sit outside and light a cigarette. I watch the smoke rise into the dusky sky: up, up, up, until it reaches the Moon. Then I think to myself, "She can see the same moon. Maybe if I speak through the moon, she will hear me. If I send all my love through the Moon, when she looks up at the same Moon, she will feel my Love."
I feel her loneliness. Her pain.
I remember her holding her hand against her chest and saying, "It hurts here." And I held her and kissed her hair. She pulled away and looked into my eyes, "It's called a broken heart, Mom." Again, I say, "I know my Angel....and one day, one day soon, you will be home and we can fix that broken heart of yours, ok." She nods through her tears.
I look at the moon again, knowing that my heart has been broken too and that it will only become whole again when she is home, safe and sound, with me.
Sometimes I don't feel like talking at all. I have spoken for 11 years. Those who believed me were transferred off the case. There were more who were afraid and followed orders from on high, they swept my child under the rug. Pushed me into a corner and told me I had to cooperate with the "thing" that had "allegedly" molested her, for years.
I see the light of the moon, I remember God. I have lost faith in the legal system and man's so-called "justice". I refuse to lose faith in God. Maybe He did go to Hawaii for an extended holiday, who could blame Him? But then again, maybe the Gates of Heaven are closed and our prayers aren't getting in.
Words travel through my mind....High-conflict divorce, Family Law Reform, The Rights of the Child, The UN Convention on the Rights of the Child, the Charter of Rights and Freedoms....they are just words because nobody is bringing them to life.
They ignore me and they refuse to help my child. They protect the pedophile.
God help us."
